


Lost on you

by TheOrangeAurora



Series: Domestic drabbles and oneshots [6]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Reminiscing, Thinking, feeling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 23:50:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9147448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOrangeAurora/pseuds/TheOrangeAurora
Summary: Phil reminisces on life through how he's felt and experienced it and every that he has.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've been in love with this song called ''Lost on you'' by LP and finally decided to write a little fic based on it. Hope you enjoy it as much as I loved writing it :) And Happy New Year!
> 
> You can find me also on tumblr at palephantom.tumblr.com

It was quiet in the apartment, only the sound of cars and people passing on the street behind the window and the far-away murmur of music played by one of their neighbours. Phil lied on his back, arms crossed behind his head and eyes were staring, unseeing, at the white ceiling of the apartment. 

Though everyone took Dan for the one with existential crises and more in-depth, philosophical thoughts that kept him rooted to one spot, or even wide awake throughout the night, Phil was just as prone to them when he was left alone in the apartment. 

Funny, how it had become a comparison between him and Dan in just about anything.

His eyes were wide open, but mind was long gone, travelling through time and space. (as cheesy, stereotypical British Doctor Who love as it might sound) Back to the days long gone and the people that had crossed through his lifeline so far. 

Family that always supported him, the younger of the two brothers with strange ideas and never-ending hunger for more fantasy and stories. Love reminded of, and bonds created. The happiest times and those most tough handled. Together.

Friends that had come and go throughout the years, some staying by his side while others left, either willingly or taken from life forcefully. A bittersweet tinge always buzzed his heart at the thought of those gone, but he savoured the times that they had had. He went on in life with a smile and he tried to make as many positive memories as he could. If not for himself, then for others that he cared about. 

Lovers that had touched his heart and soul to a deeper level than he'd once thought possible. There were nights spent wide awake, just thinking of light and dark eyes, of long and short hair, of pale complexions and those sun-loved. The people that had taken his emotions and amplified them even before he had the honour to hold their hand, to call them his own. 

There were long nights, spent in the bright and crowded spaces of amusement parks, where every heart still felt childish. There were dark nights, tangled in the sheets and with the scent of a two bodies, where everything felt mature in the passionate blur. There was the scent of flowers in the park and the ashen smoke of cigarettes favoured too frequently. 

He finally let his eyes fall shut, to soothe the dull stinging the bright whiteness had caused. He could hear the first drops hit the window as the sky began to pour down once more.

It was a sound that relaxed him.

He liked the feel of the water running down his body, but feared the deep waters. It created a special bliss and memories whenever he was in the shower. Showers where his chest would burst if he didn't sing, and those where he would have wanted to laugh at how cliche it felt when the clear water mixed with salty tears that he'd held back. Times where hands roamed his body, the gentleness of washing reminding of the good things in life when he almost lost the grip on them. 

There were moments where he'd been cut loose, suddenly.

He wasn't the one to dwell on the past much, but sometimes he liked to remember, no matter how much it would hurt. It was a way to appreciate where he was now in life.

His own apartment, shared with his best friend. There was always a light waft of a scented candle or food. There were little noises of life, inside it or just outside. There were many joys and some sorrows shared within these walls and he knew that he felt like the best version of himself right there and then. 

Phil drew in a long, calm breath and shifted just a little bit.

There were days spent playing games or planning serious work in these four walls. There were nights, just as busy, but a lot sweeter. There was alcohol, making minds dizzy and tongues loose. There was candy, eaten while making faces at one another only to fill the empty space with fond laughter and even fonder gazes. 

Loud exclamations mixed with quiet confessions.

Gentle caresses. 

Love.

''Phil?'' A voice, hushed, broke through the thin layer of sleep that he had fallen into somewhere along the way and soft fingers brushed through his hair, stirring his awake. 

It was dark when he finally blinked, groggy from the nap he'd inadvertently taken. All the worries, bitterness and old aches had disappeared as quickly as the dreams had been shattered.

The only thing he saw was a pair of dark eyes, looking down at him. The night cradled shadows in them and he drank in the softness that they expressed. 

And there was nothing more beautiful in his life, nothing that could make him happier. He was the best person he could be at his experiences, he lived and loved and received the same loving in return. He shared joy as much as possible, all while his own was encouraged by soft fingers, loud voice, wide smiles and those wonderful eyes that he could never tire of. 

Though he had lost so much to others, there was nothing that he regretted anymore. 

''Hello, Dan...'' he murmured quietly in return and the single greeting held all the love he had.


End file.
